When disappointment isn't that disappointing

I just realized, as I was sitting at my desk at work, that today, right now, this very instant... I should be on a cruise ship. I was supposed to be on a cruise ship. I had a countdown and everything -- "blah blah days until we set sail!" And our cruise ship did, in fact, set sail for the Bahamas yesterday afternoon... without us.

I consciously knew this week was coming for a while, and I was honestly dreading it. I just knew that when January 7th came along, I would be despondent. Mourning the loss of my dream vacation that should have happened, but didn't. And I imagined that I would spend at least a few days (maybe all six of them) feeling sorry for myself, lamenting about how I deserved that vacation and Nick was the one who told me to book it in the first place and made it a reality... only to have it snatched away. Poor, poor me. Other people plan vacations, post their countdowns, actually go on their vacations, post pics of their families enjoying said vacations... why isn't that my reality?? Poor, poor me.

But surprisingly, I forgot all about it until today. And today, when I did realize the date and where I could have been right now? I wasn't exactly despondent; there was no big pity party. I had an "oh man!" moment, but it left almost as quickly as it manifested. And then I thought about all of the activities that we have going on this week, here at home. Avery has archery practice, in preparation for her very first archery tournament this weekend. Damon is feverishly rehearsing for his one-act play for the Thespian Festival in a few weeks. Avery is working on her stage prop project for the same festival. I have multiple small groups starting at church this week, including the one I lead. I also have a big deadline at work later this week.

And, yes, I know that we would have made it work if we were on that vacation. We would have made arrangements for absences and missed rehearsals and adjusted deadlines, etc. And it would have been fine. But the fact is that, due to circumstances somewhat beyond our control, Nick and I decided to cancel our vacation a couple of months ago. And this morning, when I imagined us being on the cruise right now and missing out on all of the things we are doing this week instead, that was actually more upsetting to me.

I am not generally a "live in the moment," "find joy in the journey" kind of person. Or at least I wasn't. I have a hard time finding joy while I'm scrubbing dishes or commuting to work or grocery shopping. And I would certainly never say that I'd prefer staying home and doing those things over going on a cruise to the Bahamas! Yet, here we are. Today, I know in my heart that we are exactly where we're supposed to be this week, and I'm not throwing a pity party for myself. Instead, I'm feeling incredibly grateful for God's perfect plan. We'll go on another cruise someday, when we're better prepared and it's meant to happen... and it will be worth the wait!

Why?

I used to be a blogger in a past life. I was a young work-at-home mom to two adorable little kids, Facebook didn't exist yet, and blogging was how we (moms with adorable little kids) stayed connected with friends and family members who were 500+ miles away but loved to see photos of our adorable little kids.

My blog was also a safe space where I could say pretty much whatever I wanted to say, with minimal backlash. Kind of an online journal, I guess, which served as a form of therapy for me at times. My old blog is still out there, floating around in the Interweb, serving as a time capsule of sorts. I visit it pretty frequently and take emotional trips down Memory Lane to spend time with those two adorable little kids, who are now all but grown. 

When Facebook first hit the scene and started to take over the world, a wise man and fan of my little blog (I call him Dad) said to me, "Don't let Facebook replace your blog!" And I thought, "pah!! I love my blog; that won't happen."

It happened.

And I have tried at different points in time over the last several years to breathe life into my old blog again, to no avail. Finally it occurred to me that if I can't revitalize that old blog, maybe I could start a new one?? I mean, why not?

So, on a whim, Because... Joy was born. Today, on the third day of a brand new year, I am starting my brand new blog. I don't know if anyone will read it (because, let's be honest, everyone is on Facebook, not reading blogs!)... but I don't know if it matters. The creating of this thing might be more important to me than the reading of it. And some day in the future, I just might find myself coming back to this time capsule to enjoy emotional trips down another, different Memory Lane.

Day 2

Day 1