When disappointment isn't that disappointing

I just realized, as I was sitting at my desk at work, that today, right now, this very instant... I should be on a cruise ship. I was supposed to be on a cruise ship. I had a countdown and everything -- "blah blah days until we set sail!" And our cruise ship did, in fact, set sail for the Bahamas yesterday afternoon... without us.

I consciously knew this week was coming for a while, and I was honestly dreading it. I just knew that when January 7th came along, I would be despondent. Mourning the loss of my dream vacation that should have happened, but didn't. And I imagined that I would spend at least a few days (maybe all six of them) feeling sorry for myself, lamenting about how I deserved that vacation and Nick was the one who told me to book it in the first place and made it a reality... only to have it snatched away. Poor, poor me. Other people plan vacations, post their countdowns, actually go on their vacations, post pics of their families enjoying said vacations... why isn't that my reality?? Poor, poor me.

But surprisingly, I forgot all about it until today. And today, when I did realize the date and where I could have been right now? I wasn't exactly despondent; there was no big pity party. I had an "oh man!" moment, but it left almost as quickly as it manifested. And then I thought about all of the activities that we have going on this week, here at home. Avery has archery practice, in preparation for her very first archery tournament this weekend. Damon is feverishly rehearsing for his one-act play for the Thespian Festival in a few weeks. Avery is working on her stage prop project for the same festival. I have multiple small groups starting at church this week, including the one I lead. I also have a big deadline at work later this week.

And, yes, I know that we would have made it work if we were on that vacation. We would have made arrangements for absences and missed rehearsals and adjusted deadlines, etc. And it would have been fine. But the fact is that, due to circumstances somewhat beyond our control, Nick and I decided to cancel our vacation a couple of months ago. And this morning, when I imagined us being on the cruise right now and missing out on all of the things we are doing this week instead, that was actually more upsetting to me.

I am not generally a "live in the moment," "find joy in the journey" kind of person. Or at least I wasn't. I have a hard time finding joy while I'm scrubbing dishes or commuting to work or grocery shopping. And I would certainly never say that I'd prefer staying home and doing those things over going on a cruise to the Bahamas! Yet, here we are. Today, I know in my heart that we are exactly where we're supposed to be this week, and I'm not throwing a pity party for myself. Instead, I'm feeling incredibly grateful for God's perfect plan. We'll go on another cruise someday, when we're better prepared and it's meant to happen... and it will be worth the wait!